ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
