I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
