Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
