I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
