i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
