So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
