do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
