you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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