what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
