saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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