so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
