Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
