not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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