Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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