what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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