I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
