How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
As shirtless as possible
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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