the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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