worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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