i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
