just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
