I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
