he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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