Swine flu. Run for my life!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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