i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
