Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
