Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
