I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize