the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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