What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
