I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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