my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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