i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
