I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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