Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize