I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
