so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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