they need to just BURY HIM!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
