I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
