help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
