the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize