Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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