I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
