My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
