All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
