I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
