hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
