I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
