Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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