You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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