i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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