The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Drake has all the answers
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
