Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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