They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
