OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
