I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
