u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
