What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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