I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
