You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
