Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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