I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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