this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
