my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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