She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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