I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
