I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
