I wish my penis had an off switch
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
