there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
