if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize