Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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